The Art of Road Trips in the Rain

Here for a moment,

Then gone when eyes are opened,

I can’t help but feel a pang of sorrow

Knowing I won’t ever see that landscape again.

I won’t ever be back in a place

Where EVERYTHING was perfectly untouched

Next time I return, if ever,

So much will have changed.

Trees will have grown.

Grass will have died.

Leaves will have fallen.

Life will have continued.

But if I had tumbled out of my shelter

And run off to explore,

Would I have grown old with it?

Could I escape the ferocity of a concrete jungle?

Yet even now I know that I cannot.

There is too much to do,

Too many to leave behind,

Too much lost.

Even with that thought,

My sorrow returns.

There is nothing preventing me from leaving,

Yet so much holds me back.

A seat belt, yes,

But my mind finds family,

A place where everyone loves you.

This can’t be found out there.

So I sit back and sigh,

And turn to gaze at the leather in front of me.

Still I can’t help but look out

And sorrow turns to envy.

How I long to travel out into that landscape.

How I want to escape my invisible bonds.

How I wish the water pouring down

Would wash me into the unknown.

To explore, to grow old,

To escape, to be reborn.

So I dream of escaping the pavement

And getting swallowed by a landscape.

Being lost in the green.

Running until I vanish into the rainstorm.

Why, oh why,

Can I not escape?

Thanks

In response to "Apologies,"
I felt this was almost required.
Because for every apology,
there are plenty of people that I haven't ever thanked.
Many overlap.

It's going to be another ongoing list,
so if "Apologies" wasn't your cup of tea,
keep moving.
But this is just as important,
and I already know that at least one is about you.

To those who told me I couldn't do it,
you pushed me to be the person that I am today.
Every insult, ever demeaning remark, ever pull down
just pushed me further into my future.
Thank you.

To those who told me I could do it,
you helped me get back up when I fell flat.
You challenged me to surpass what I had already done,
even when I didn't think I could do it.
Thank you.

To those who stuck by me during rough times,
you were an amazing friend, and I couldn't ask for more.
All I can hope is that I have the ability to repay you
if the time comes.
Thank you.

To those who inspired me,
you mean more to me that you realize.
The things you do and tell me have helped me through
the hardest times in my life.
Thank you.

To those who made my heart jump,
you know who you are.
You made me realize that the world isn't full of vile people
and even as a teenager, happiness can be found.
Thank you.

To those who ripped my heart apart,
it might sound weird that I'm thanking you,
but each heart break proved to me that
I don't have to rely on another person to be happy.
Thank you.

To those who taught me,
I try to take everything that I learn and use it
in some form or fashion.
Every situation is a learning situation.
Thank you.

To those who gave me another chance,
God knows that I have had some rocky friendships,
and I am more grateful then you know for
the chance to redeem myself.
Thank you.

To those who tormented me in middle school,
you don't realize how much you changed me.
I'm stronger know then I ever could have been,
simply because you threw all that petty drama my way.
Thank you.

To those who insult me,
you help me realize my faults,
and I strive to change them.
Even though you deliver them in a slightly rude way, life isn't ever pretty.
Thank you.

To those who read my writing,
the fact that you keep coming back for more
does so much that you can't comprehend the magnitude
of importance you have to me.
Thank you.

To those who I call fellow thespians,
I probably thank you most of all.
Some of my best moments have happened amongst theatre kids,
and all of you mean so much to me that I can't ever fully express it.
Thank you.

To those who I call fellow Boy Scouts,
the skills that you have taught me far exceed fire building and how to use a knife.
Scouting has opened tons of doors for me,
and if I worked for forever and a day, I couldn't ever repay you.
Thank you.

To those who I have met through my church,
you are the chain that keeps me from falling into the endless pit of high school drama.
From choir to youth and everywhere in between,
you have pulled me off the edge.
Thank you.

To my sister,
the fact that you get your own entire stanza should say enough,
but I'm going to break the template just for you.
You fit into almost every category above.
You love me when no one else does.
You help me when no one else can.
You pull me up when everyone else shoots me down.
You laugh with me when everyone else laughs at me.
You laugh at me when I need to laugh at myself.
You taught me that country is the best genre of music.
You inspire me to reach for greater heights.
You calm me down when I'm about to explode.
You are the best sibling one could ask for, and most certainly not the one that I deserve.
You won't ever let me make up all the things that you did for me, because you love me too much.
You are the best thing that I have in my life.
You are my best friend.
Thank you.

As I said, it's not going to stop here.
"Apologies" and "Thanks" will keep growing.
If you know what you did to me,
you know which ones apply to you.
There's only one thing left to say.

Thank you.

Apologies

I would like to apologize.
To you.
And you.
Even you.
It's been very long overdue.

I am not perfect,
I won't even pretend that I am.
However, if any of my countless flaws
have ever caused you any pain,
I am truly sorry.

If you read this, you might just think,
"Oh look, he's hiding behind his blog,
he doesn't have the decency to apologize to my face."
The fact is, there are too many faces I would have to approach,
and too many people that would just laugh right back in mine.

So I'm just going to throw my apologies
into my ward.
If one of them seems to be pointed towards you,
it's probably meant for you.
Just read them all, I'm sure one relates to you.

I'm sorry for judging you.
I jumped to conclusions about you
when I only had one side of the story,
if that.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry I distanced myself from you.
I was going through a really rough time,
and I thought that i could do it alone.
I couldn't.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for lying to you.
The truth is so hard for me to face sometimes,
and I thought that lying would make it easier.
I guess that isn't so true, since I have to keep living a lie.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for disrespecting you.
You were just trying to help,
and I couldn't get past my ego
to accept your help.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for insulting you.
Truth is, I admire your qualities,
and I even admit to being jealous of you.
The insults just seemed easier to live with.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for holding a grudge against you.
Even this long after what happened,
I still can't find it within myself to repair our friendship.
But I can't stand living with this grudge.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for clinging.
You had done something to me that I wasn't used to,
and I couldn't help but want more,
even though it was obvious you didn't.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for taking advantage of you.
I was vulnerable, but you were more so.
I wanted to feel better, and felt like you could do that to me.
I just hurt each of us even more.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for leading you on.
This might seem a lot like taking advantage, but it's worse.
I played with your emotions, simply because I didn't understand mine.
It was terrible, and I still feel horrible because of it.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for demanding you change.
Not to steal song lyrics, but you're perfect the way you are.
I couldn't look past my own personal opinions to see how
the real you is light years better then I will ever be.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for overstepping my bounds.
What I did was rude and selfish,
and I know that you know I was just trying to protect you,
but it was not something that a real friend would do.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for that conversation.
I shouldn't have ever pressed "Send" on that text,
because even though you said it would be alright,
I already know that our friendship won't be the same anymore.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for doubting you.
After everything that I told you and you helped me through,
I didn't believe you in your darkest hour.
It was really inexcusable.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for keeping the truth from you.
It isn't lying, simply because I never said anything constituting a lie.
But you spilled yourself out to me,
and I couldn't do the same to you.
Please forgive me.

This list won't stop here.
I will mess up again.
And when I can't face you because of how bad I made it,
expect to see an apology here waiting for you.

Please accept it.