Apologies

I would like to apologize.
To you.
And you.
Even you.
It's been very long overdue.

I am not perfect,
I won't even pretend that I am.
However, if any of my countless flaws
have ever caused you any pain,
I am truly sorry.

If you read this, you might just think,
"Oh look, he's hiding behind his blog,
he doesn't have the decency to apologize to my face."
The fact is, there are too many faces I would have to approach,
and too many people that would just laugh right back in mine.

So I'm just going to throw my apologies
into my ward.
If one of them seems to be pointed towards you,
it's probably meant for you.
Just read them all, I'm sure one relates to you.

I'm sorry for judging you.
I jumped to conclusions about you
when I only had one side of the story,
if that.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry I distanced myself from you.
I was going through a really rough time,
and I thought that i could do it alone.
I couldn't.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for lying to you.
The truth is so hard for me to face sometimes,
and I thought that lying would make it easier.
I guess that isn't so true, since I have to keep living a lie.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for disrespecting you.
You were just trying to help,
and I couldn't get past my ego
to accept your help.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for insulting you.
Truth is, I admire your qualities,
and I even admit to being jealous of you.
The insults just seemed easier to live with.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for holding a grudge against you.
Even this long after what happened,
I still can't find it within myself to repair our friendship.
But I can't stand living with this grudge.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for clinging.
You had done something to me that I wasn't used to,
and I couldn't help but want more,
even though it was obvious you didn't.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for taking advantage of you.
I was vulnerable, but you were more so.
I wanted to feel better, and felt like you could do that to me.
I just hurt each of us even more.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for leading you on.
This might seem a lot like taking advantage, but it's worse.
I played with your emotions, simply because I didn't understand mine.
It was terrible, and I still feel horrible because of it.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for demanding you change.
Not to steal song lyrics, but you're perfect the way you are.
I couldn't look past my own personal opinions to see how
the real you is light years better then I will ever be.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for overstepping my bounds.
What I did was rude and selfish,
and I know that you know I was just trying to protect you,
but it was not something that a real friend would do.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for that conversation.
I shouldn't have ever pressed "Send" on that text,
because even though you said it would be alright,
I already know that our friendship won't be the same anymore.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for doubting you.
After everything that I told you and you helped me through,
I didn't believe you in your darkest hour.
It was really inexcusable.
Please forgive me.

I'm sorry for keeping the truth from you.
It isn't lying, simply because I never said anything constituting a lie.
But you spilled yourself out to me,
and I couldn't do the same to you.
Please forgive me.

This list won't stop here.
I will mess up again.
And when I can't face you because of how bad I made it,
expect to see an apology here waiting for you.

Please accept it.